smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
