I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
