You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
