i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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