So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
