Sponge bath it is.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize