Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
