she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
