hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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