Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need water and some morals
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