Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
