but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
