Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
