On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
