it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
