so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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