Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
