mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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