Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
