I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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