i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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