I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want to be your penis for a week.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
