do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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