In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
