I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're too hungover to prance.
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