You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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