im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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