Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
