you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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