literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
