I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
