I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
