no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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