There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
