just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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