i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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