Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
