guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
