Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
