You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Everclear isn't food dammit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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