I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
