why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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