Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
