how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
