I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
