i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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