I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
