Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
