Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
