You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
True strength comes from lack of pants
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
