Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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