nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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