I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
