Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
did i just pee glitter
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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