I just pynch a tree in the face
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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