She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
