Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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