Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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