I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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