Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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