just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
