i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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