i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
