Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
