we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
