Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
