atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
