I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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