I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
