Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
