I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
