oh god the rape fog is back!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
