Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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