I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
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