I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
