call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize