i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
