may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
