I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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