Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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