stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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