Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize