Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
