I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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