Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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