5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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