Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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