just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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