I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
