literally had 100 drinks last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize