I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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