have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
