ugly people sure do ruin things
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
