You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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