Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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