3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
