Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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