I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
