I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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