Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just google imaged poop.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
