u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She's JV to your varsity
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
