So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
