i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
