you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
