so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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