First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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