he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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